A new mom needs friends who "get it"
When I’m working with a new mom, I absolutely love it when around week 2 or 3, I come into the kitchen to see this pile on the counter.
I always smile, because I know this new mom has friends who “get it”.
She has friends who have recently had a baby and realize that the best gift for a new mom (besides a Dover Doula gift certificate 😜) is dinner.
After you have a baby, there are two distinct categories of friendly gift givers.
- Friends who had a baby within the past year
- Friends who haven’t
The friends in Category 2 usually send lovely outfits or well meaning baby products that, one day, you may eventually use and cherish.
Your friends who recently had a baby will show up with food.
And you will hug them and cry with gratitude as you give a “crazy eyes” nod toward the piles of gift boxes piled up in the corner full of outfits that still have tags. They will nod and rub your back as they also pull out a package of witch hazel wipes for you.
I still remember the day my daughter was probably about one week old and the doorbell rang at 5:00pm. I was tired and hungry, I was in pain from my c-section, my nipples were bleeding and I could barely see straight because I was so, so tired. As I walked to the door, I was expecting to see the UPS guy with a gift from Category #2. But it was one of my friends who had had a baby 8 months earlier.
She said "hi" and brushed passed me right towards the dining room table. She had her 8 month old on one hip and a pile of Tupperware containers in her other hand. She proceeded to put down an entire meal onto my table. Roasted chicken, warm rice and a green salad. It was enough food to feed me, my husband and my mom who was there helping out that day. My friend stayed until the food had all been plated and then she quickly left saying “call me tomorrow” over her shoulder.
It’s been thirteen years, but I still remember the feeling I had as I slid into the chair and started to cry.
It was the smells and tastes of a simple, healthy, warm meal (did I mention in was February?). The feeling that I had a friend who knew exactly what I needed that day at 5pm. The feeling that I had a friend who cared enough to somehow cook an entire meal for us when she had her own baby and family to deal with. It was a feeling that was a mixture of contentment and hope. A feeling like an exhale. A feeling like, “It’s going to be ok”.
Dover Doula has postpartum doulas who helps new moms in their homes in the first 12 weeks of a baby's life. Our postpartum doulas offer physical, emotional and informational support to new moms. We help out with light household chores and care for baby so mom can nap or shower. We also wash out tupperware containers when they are ready to return to friends who "get it".